Wow. 3 months?

I can't believe I haven't updated in this long - well, I can - life has been busy!

I took my own advice though to stop trying to figure everything out now though since I know that I won't start the process for at least a couple of years. I've become more interested in doing a domestic foster-adopt - though I haven't done any research on that at all except to talk to a couple of people I know who have gone that route.

It's been a little over a year since I started researching the process. Last year at this time I was sneaking time to read The Complete Guide to International Adoption any chance I got.

I don't have much to say - since I know it's not time for me to start yet I've just kind of been saving money and dreaming and trying not to get my heart set on a country once again - I just wanted to drop in and say hello to anyone who actually reads this.

Adoption in the movies.

Over the past year or so I've run across a number of movies that deal with adoption on some level either by purpose or by chance.

The first one was Martian Child starring John Cussak as the recently widowed single adoptive father of a boy from the US foster system. The movies is based on a true story. It's been so long since I watched this movie that I need to watch it again. I watched it at the beginning of my research - and now that I've done so more research I'd like to watch it again. Like with Pumpkin Patch, it's just nice to peek into the lives of people who have "been there, done that."

I also watched Juno, which is the perspective of the birth mother for the most part, but in the end the baby goes to a single mother. Though - the birth mother originally chose a couple. I won't spoil the ending for those of you who have yet to see it. As I'm realizing that many international countries are closing to single parent adoption for whatever reason - I'm beginning to also research the domestic process. My heart is still in international - but - can't hurt to know things, right?

I ordered Losing Isaiah from netflix and remembered why I'm scared to death of domestic adoption. The movie is heart-breaking in some places. Especially when the court decide that it's more important for a baby to grow up in a home where his skin matches the adults than to grow up in the home of parents to whom he is healthily attached. However, there is a learning point there - the adoptive parents are white and the baby is black. One of the things the birth mother's attorney uses is the fact that the white parents do not have any black role models in the baby's life. I'm very committed to preserving as much of the heritage of my child as possible - I agree that it's important that the child have that "people like me" connection. (I don't think it trumps attachment, but whatever) The movie has an ok ending - but the middle of it just makes me want to throw things at the television and rant about the idiotic adoption laws in my country.

And, I caught the very end of Mom at 16 on lifetime the other day and I'm going to spoil the ending of that for you. The young girl chooses a couple to adopt her baby but after the birth decides to keep the baby. A number of weeks later she is watching a DVD her younger sister was making during the pregnancy to give to the baby's adoptive parents and the birth mom is reminded of why she was going to choose adoption and decides that really is what is best for her son - so she calls the couple and the adoption goes through. The end of the movie jumps ahead five years to the baby's first day of school. You see the adoptive parents and the birth mother there (home from college) - and a rather healthy looking open-adoption scenario. I'll go ahead and admit that Open-adoption doesn't really appeal to me. I know there is much support for it - but I'm selfish. I don't want to share. It scares me. There's a podcast waiting for me on open adoption - I need to listen to it - because maybe it's not as scary as I think it is. (Another reason I really like international - open adoption is not as common there)

Just A Couple Of Things I Want To Remember

I was listening to some of the podcasts from creatingafamily.com today as I was doing some driving and heard a couple of things that I just want to make a note about in hopes that I remember them years down the road.

1. Using a bottle as a tool for attachment. Dawn Davenport, the host, had on a guest that's an expert on adoption attachment. One thing they brought up was the idea of giving your adopted child - even older children - a bottle. Not as a feeding tool but as an attachment tool. put juice or something in the bottle, give the nipple a small opening, and then take the time to rock and hold your child while s/he drinks. On the show they said that this was acceptable as long as the child was comfortable with it. I think it's a cool idea.

2. In another podcast they were discussing how/when to bring up the adoption story with your child - and the general consensus is to make words such as "adoption" and "birth parents" common and normal from the very beginning - just by saying them even before the child understands what they mean. They talked about having a "life book" with pictures from the home country in it and reading children's books about adoption. So, the idea hit me, I want to make a "just for us" Children's book about whatever the adoption story ends up being. Of course - my mind starts dreaming wild dreams - but I think it would be cool to take some pictures and simple wording and tell the story and then it get printed off at a place like snapfish.com in one of their "book" formats for the child. I'd love to do a story that shows the two time lines of me getting to the child and then the timeline of the birth mother having the child and the child going to the orphanage/baby house/etc and then when our time lines meet in the same place. I can write the first two pages at this point. haha. "In America there was a woman with dark hair. She lived in an apartment and had two cats. She worked at a school teaching children. She was happy but she thought it would be wonderful to have a family and started thinking about all the ways there were to create families." . And then later, "One day the woman knew it was time to start her family so she called a place that helps families find each other and . . . " Anyway. That's the English-major side of me coming out. Depending on the history I get on my child we'll see how the "two time lines becoming one" thing goes - but right now I really love the idea. My "dream" level of the book is to take real pictures from the journey and have an artist "illustrate" them into children's book type images that still resemble me and my child and then fill in the gaps of the story for which pictures most likely will not exist. (My child's birth for example)


On a completely different note. I'm still completely undecided about if I want to pursue the adoption of one child or two at a time. i know I eventually want at least 2. However, I've decided that's something else (along with country) that I'm going to stop trying to figure out until I get closer to beginning this process.

The Roller Coaster

I knew that adoption was going to be a roller coaster. I just didn't expect to be on the "roller coaster of emotions" so soon.

I was looking back at my list of countries from a few entries prior to this one that were currently open to singles and began to further research a few of them. The more I researched about Kazakhstan the more excited I became. I even loved the approximate 6 week trip to get my child - I loved knowing that I would be able to spend that long in the country that held the heritage of my child.

I began searching out agencies that placed children from Kaz and looking for groups and blogs that dealt specifically with Kaz adoptions. I pulled out my copy of The Complete Russian Adoption Handbook" and began reading. I spent days looking at photos of children home from Kaz and getting that "in the gut" feeling that "yeah, I can see my child looking like that." I started looking up the info about the country and searching to see if there were any children's book concerning Kaz adoptions.

As I was browsing one of the message boards I had found that deals with Kaz my stomach sank when I saw the topic of one of the threads: "Kazakhstan closing to singles?" And, indeed, it seems that they are. There is chatter and people seem to think that they will indeed close to singles very soon.

I closed my computer for a while and then took a drive down some long country roads. As I was driving and trying not to be depressed at yet another country that may not be an option for me - God reminded me that if Kaz, or any country, is closed then all that means is that that country is not where my child is. And, I should be happy that I got the warning after only a few days of growing an attachment to Kaz rather than after months or even years of growing an attachment to that country.

There are other countries available. There is the domestic adoption which, although that is not where my heart is currently at, could also be an option. And, there are four years to wait and sift through the ever-changing IA laws.

So I've pretty much decided I'm going to stop actively trying to "decide" on a country until the end of my master's degree is in sight. I'll just poke around in all the countries for now and trust that when it's time to get my child that the right door will be open.

Book Review: The Pumpkin Patch

After ringing in the new year last night with a friend I started 2009 by finishing the book you see pictured. It's the story in journal form of a single woman in her mid 40s who travels to Ukraine to adopt two unrelated children. She goes hoping for two girls and returns with two boys.

There wasn't anything "new" in this book in terms of single parent adoption information - but it was nice to read the actual story of a woman who took the journey - especially one who adopted two at once - especially because in my heart I'd really like to do the same thing - though I don't know how wise it is for me to do that.

Oh! There was one thing I read that was "new" to me in all of my readings - one of her sons developed a bad case of "exploding diapers" after they returned home. Months and Months of tests and no answers until finally one doctor realized it began when she transitioned him from underwear back to diapers after they left the orphanage. His brain didn't know what was going on and caused his intestines to hold it in and then when it finally came out it exploded. (Look at me..not yet a mother and already talking about poop!) So - mental note tucked away to watch bowel movements carefully if I switch the types of underwear on my child once we leave the orphanage ;-)

This woman was able to take a few months off work to help her children transition and then hired a nanny to watch them once she returned to work. Those of you who have done this before? Do you have any control over requesting travel windows? (Or - I guess - if certain countries have more stable "time charts" I can just choose when to submit my paperwork and hope it works out...) I can maximize "transition" time before returning to work if I travel to get the child in Feb-April is the only reason I ask. I'll obviously pack up and go whenever my child is ready - but I would prefer 5 months of transition time rather than two of course. ;-) If I travel near the end of the spring semester I'll have all of summer off without losing any paycheck before returning to work in August.

I highly doubt I'll be able to afford a nanny once I return to work - but I'm hoping that at least there will be a friend who will keep my child in her home rather than going to a daycare.

In general - it was a good book to read to kind of get a glimpse inside single parent adoption. I'd encourage you to read it to just kind of give your brain a glimpse into the world. I really appreciated how honest she was with her emotions and thoughts.

Thankful for my job at Christmas time

I get two weeks off for Christmas vacation. I never really intended on being a teacher - I just kind of fell into that profession. The more invested I've become in the idea of being a single adoptive parent the more I am thankful that God let me to this job. I love knowing that I'll have this time to enjoy the holidays with any future children.


Unless I end up adopting earlier than I plan or older than I plan - my children are not yet in existance - but I'm still praying for them - praying for their birth families. I hope that this holiday season is one of warmth, love, and health for them.


(Of course, I'd love a job that would allow me to homeschool my children as a single parent...So, God, if you want to give me a heads up there that would be great. If you want my preference I'd love to own a small little Inn...just...you know...an idea.)

Busy Life

You know - I know it's possible - and more than that - something I want to do. But, some days I wonder how on earth I will fit a child into my life and even if it's fair to do such a thing.


Example. Yesterday I went to bed at nine in order to get up at 4 a.m. this morning. I left my house at about 5:45 in the morning because I had to some errands before work and then get to work by 6:30. I came home at 4:15 because I was exhausted - but I should've stayed until at least 5 because my desk is a MESS. Leaving that early was rare - but it was the second time this week that I made it to work before anyone else. I typically spent 10-11 hours at work each day - on a normal day. I can get by on about 6 hours of sleep and still feel rested. So, that's 16-17 hours a day. That leaves 7-8 hours a day to do everything else. Make dinner. Clean. relax.

And I want to try to fit in: drop off/pick up from daycare, bathe children, play with children, take children to ballet/soccer/doctor/whatever, make sure children who are coming from traumatic backgrounds are adjusting well/ etc. into those 7-8 hours?


I mean - I know I can and I will make it work. Plenty of teachers are mothers. There are plenty of single working mothers in the world. There are things at my job that I can drop without taking a pay cut and free up some of my time. I know all this - right now I'm single and I do have time so I say yes to things like yearbook and helping after school and planning Shakespeare festivals - - and I won't say yes to those when I have children that become my world.


Sometimes I just wonder, "Is the kid going to hate me for making them be a part of a single parent family?" It's at those times I try to remind myself that in the hierarchy of family situations - I may be lower than a two parent loving family - - but I'm higher than an orphanage.



Just a busy day and realizing how I am so accustomed to coming home at the end of the day and not worrying about anyone but myself - but that's not the life I want - and truth be told I'd rather be sitting in traffic in the rain on the way to a ballet recital right now than typing this. I'd be exhausted either way - but the other one is a better option still.



On another note - I'm reading a book that is the story of a single adoptive mother. It's good. I'm being reminded again of all the paperwork, money, and uncertainties of the process. But at the same time - on the back cover is a picture of a woman with two beautiful boys - and that's really all that matters.